mirror mirror on the wall
reach out with my fist and fall
sit down, nice to meet ya.
Team eight's all here,
and we've been told by a seer that our rap's gonna beat ya.
So let's start with /u/r00sevelt, ready?
Can't decide if you're Frank or Teddy.
palms must be sweating i'm betting
synthetic rhymes give me sepsis i think they belong in the septic
we can say that your verse will not play,
how many terms will it take to get ready?
One got shot in a speech and he still kept talkin',
World War Two. Force in the balkans
I wrote the rules and I ref' em;
(call me George S. Patton.)
I'm from a long line of masters; I have a brutal battalion.
Organize and compose them like Johann Sebastian.
But you're no great thinker and you're no Bull Moose
Only Blitz you'll fight is the one that you'll lose.
put an end to your crew, let you borrow my noose
are you still not aware that you don't have a prayer, skill isn't there,
retire or lose
I was up to the occasion slain but I saved Django's enslavement
the B-Movie > A-list now I'm at the apex!
But hey, I can get with Sloanluxe's sloppiness.
Pardon the tardiness poet just got back, busy flossing your documents
locked stock to the desi And even your vet could not best me
Not the best of musicians, now is he?
But his main claim to fame was his first in the Game,
and the mods are ashamed there's a win to his name!
If he's done this before should be childs play,
this is dangerous cheesy,
Hear the growl on a beat and my feet hit the street
zero to 60;
flee when my tracks on repeat
chucky chester cheetah get it?
I'll bet you they're gonna pronounce my fucking username wrong.
There are steps you can take to relieve anal discomfort quickly:
* Apply a cream or ointment that creates a protective barrier.
* Soothe with a numbing agent.
* Apply an ice pack.
* Take a pain reliever.
* And don't try to beat us in a rap battle.
Dude you have spits bars a plenty
But now I am taking the henny
On top of my throne you'll know i be venting
I'll start on my own man you better be ready
Ill check my agenda
I will not pretend to
Rap about some shit that doesn't mean to offend ya
Yeah I got issues I got problems like I'm mensa
But let me tell ya
You're the one whose fucking head is way off center
Your beat made me dizzy
I wished that your mixing was right up there with me
But since I had heard it
Im trying to really
Get through the first verse
Without saying "kill me"
I'm trying to figure out slowly
Since your voice sucks
Would you blow me
The lyrics you're singing
Are horrible, terrible
Who wrote em
I won't ever have to cross paths with that
Well That's cuz he went AWOL
So sore from that anal
Saw the doctor but it wasn't enough
Had to take the chains off
I will not stop till I wanna
You're heating up like a sauna
Time to get out yeah you gotta
Scarred so bad, Harry Potter
I can keep going for a while
Throwing diss tracks for a mile
Restraining orders been filed
Cuz your team can't take this fire
So yeah I can call my own lines a burn.
Knock you all down with blunt of my verse
You can keep sayin but you're never first
Your butt hurts much worse when my rhymes unearth.
Trees are thick. Deep woods surround.
Sun has set and night has found me.
Night above all nights in power.
Hallow's Eve, at midnight hour.
Paul and Silas, in their prison,
Sang of Christ, the Lord arisen,
But this night none shall hear my cries
'Till daylight comes and saints arise.
All around by shadows hidden
Monsters lurk, unchained, unbidden.
Quem patronum rogaturus,
Cum vix justus sit securus?
Still the saints above are sleeping.
As I walk in darkness, creeping.
I have no home I could hide in,
Just a coat that I reside in.
Stars and moon, my only blanket,
Any food, a mighty banquet.
Saints and martyrs teach me kindness.
Moon and stars dispel my blindness.
But darker things tonight are prowling;
Sky is black and wolves are howling.
Grant me many more tomorrows.
Shield me in this vale of sorrows.
Inter oves locum praesta,
Et ab haedis me sequestra.
----------------- BEFORE THE RECORDING STARTS -----------------
[Indistinct crowd chatter]
Student: I'll have two lagers, please.
Bartender: Right away, sir.
Voice 1: Well, don't you look dour.
Student: Eh, just tired is all.
Voice 2: If you were just tired, you'd go home and sleep. You're stressed out.
Voice 1: You're a scientist, right? Let me guess...PhD candidate...fifth year...
Voice 3: Particle physics!
Student: H..How did you know?
Chorus: [Low-key laughter]
Voice 1: You've got that scientist look to you.
Voice 3: Overstuffed backpack you take to a bar.
Voice 2: With a slight coffee stain on the right strap.
Voice 1: Bags under the eyes.
Voice 2: Keyboard marks on the hands.
Voice 3: XKCD t-shirt.
Voice 2: And you haven't exercised in a while.
Voice 3: Yep. You're a scientist, all right. We are too.
Voice 1: Been through it all, and I bet our story's just the same as yours.
[Crowd chatter fades.]
----------------- RECORDING STARTS HERE -----------------
So you start with a bunch of classes / with the stuff that you need to know,
But the clock's running like molasses / and the voice droning's just as slow,
And the words on the board are senseless / like the accent that's in your ear,
And against the math you're defenseless / and your only protection's beer.
When you're out of the class, it's better / 'till you find that you can't get free.
Half your words are now strings of letters; / TLAs all the LLD.
You read news about "CURES FOR CANCER!" / and you want to pull out your hair.
And for that, well the easiest answer / is the beer in your hand, right there.
And your social life's no improvement / you know no-one outside your lab.
In your field, there's so little movement / you need all the friends you can grab.
And your family's convinced you're a hermit / missing sunlight for days on end.
And you wish you could contradict them / but that beer is your closest friend.
If your problems are caused by science / you think science can solve them too.
Fix your problems without reliance / on some people who aren't you.
Get your tensile testers winding / get your beakers, tools, and gage,
But the cure that you'll end up finding / is C-two-H-five-O-H.
----------------- RECORDING ENDS HERE -----------------
[Crowd chatter resumes]
Student: Now wait just a second. This is sounding less like science problems and more like drinking problems.
Voice 1: Well, you are in a bar.
Voice 2: And, for that matter, so are we.
Voice 3: Definite selection bias.
Voice 2: And a small sample size. P much greater than 0.05.
Voice 3: But what exactly did we get wrong?
Student: My family's totally supportive of me going into science and getting my doctorate!
Voice 1: Are they? No complaints about taking apart the TV when you were seven? Never yelled at you for leaving LEGOs around where bare feet could step on them?
Student: ...they think I'm becoming a medical doctor, not a science doctorate.
Voice 2: But you're becoming a particle physicist!
Student: My mom's partly deaf. She thought I said I was becoming a cardio-physician. I haven't had the heart to correct her.
Voice 1: Ahh, there we go. Family is always the hardest to convince. Maybe it's for the best that they don't know. Just imagine if they ever found out.
[Crowd chatter fades.]
Voice 1: And your mom was sad, so she asked your dad,
Chorus: Where they both had gone so wrong,
Voice 2: If your science days were a teenage phase,
Chorus: Then why did they last so long?
Voice 3: And you have no date, cause of class at eight.
Chorus: Your advisor's such a jerk.
Voice 1: As you sit right here and you drink your beer,
Voice 2: And your project's drear, and could take a year,
Voice 3: And you shed a tear over your career...
Chorus: Well, it still beats honest work!
There's sixty seconds to go, the clock is counting down.
I set off all the alarms and folks are runnin' round.
There's no one else who can do this in this little town.
It's up to me and a choice: do I pull blue or brown?
Now forty seconds are left, and I just wish I knew;
Not like there's hints on the bomb to tell me what to do.
I might as well flip a coin to pick between the two.
I've got one choice left to make: do I pull brown or blue?
Just twenty seconds remain until it ends my plight.
I'll either go up in smoke, or else I'll be alright.
If I just could just see my son, oh how I'd hold him tight.
I'll pull the blue one and I'll just have to pray it's ri
Game of Bands - Round 97: National Anthem for a Fictional Country Music: /u/asiansoundtech Lyrics: /u/poetofsaffronpark Vocals: /u/scottpontiac Hopeland Anthem When we were destitute and poor, and rich men kept us down, We made a land beyond their reach, with n'ary a land around. When men of law would sell us all to keep their steak and veal, We made a land where all are one, and none would starve or steal. When all men were oppressors and no man would take the blame, We made utopia on Earth, and Hopeland is her name. Oh Hopeland! From your humble shores and through each tree and field, Be thou our safe space in this world. Be thou our ward and shield. Oh Hopeland! Through every tree and field, Oh Hopeland! Be thou our ward and shield. We left the rules of men behind when we set out to sea. Our founders made us simpler rules exalted are the three. We do not notice sex or race. We recognize no creed. No one of us may hurt the rest. The world is paid no heed. There is no good we do not share. They give us all the same. They made utopia on Earth, and Hopeland is her name. Oh Hopeland! From your humble shores and through each tree and field, Keep us within and world without, til all the world is healed. Oh Hopeland! Through every tree and field. Oh Hopeland! Til all the world is healed. When times were dark, and we were lost, of all our hope bereft. Some told us that the land we made was worse than what we left. A strong and mighty woman rose to drive them from the shore; Hope stamped out all their evil lies and made them lie no more. We had no chief to guide our way, so leader she became. Hope forced utopia on Earth, now Hopeland is her name. Oh Hopeland! From your humble shores and through each tree and field, Observe our every word and thought. Let nothing be concealed. Oh Hopeland! Through every tree and field, Oh Hopeland! Let nothing be concealed.